Buried Heart Read online

  “Cool. That sounds like interesting work.”

  “It is. What do you two do?”

  “We work for the city,” Preston said. Drew was about to add that they were park rangers, but Pres kicked her under the table.

  What was he up to? There was no reason not to be upfront about their jobs. She looked at him and he frowned, slightly. So less is more, as far as information goes. Okay.

  She avoided the topic altogether and started talking about who they most enjoyed listening to that night. Cicely and Kallie had been front and center at TrancenDance. They had been blown away by the energy he sent out as he worked his set. Drew and Pres groaned when they heard how awesome it had been. They had only been able to get in the door and never made it anywhere close to the stage.

  When their food arrived, they ate and talked about their favorite songs and DJs. When they had paid the bill, they walked back to Beerland. Drew surprised herself by wanting nothing more than to be with Cicely. She generally stayed clear of strangers, but there was something about Cicely. When she moved it was like light through a prism, refracting and expanding, holding Drew captive to the movement. She was beauty and elegance, and Drew couldn’t resist the pull of her charisma. Even more surprising, she found herself comfortable with that. She wasn’t anxious, didn’t shut down. I like being with her.

  They stopped in front of the venue. Crowds of people were flowing out.

  “Looks like we missed the last set. What time is it?” Cicely said.

  Drew was shocked when she saw that it was well after midnight. She had assembly at eight the next morning and dinner with her family after work.

  “Man, how’d it get so late? We’ve got to get going.”

  She was about to grab Preston when she felt Cicely’s arms encircle her. She turned toward her.

  “So, kiss me first.”

  Drew flushed, her throat tightened and her stomach did flip-flops. This was going to happen. She leaned in and touched her lips to Cicely’s. The flashes of excitement from dinner were nothing compared to the earthshaking intensity of that kiss. The velvet softness of Cicely’s lips was intoxicating. She wanted to live in that kiss. And then, it ended. She felt like the ground had dropped away from her and she was falling. She held tight to Cicely to regain her balance.

  “You okay?” Cicely asked.

  “Yeah, that was amazing. Thank you,” she said.

  “I think my coach is going to turn into a pumpkin if I don’t get home soon. I enjoyed spending time with you.”

  “I know what you mean. I have to be at work bright and early. It’s been really special. I’d like to see you again, if that’s okay?”

  Cicely smiled again. That smile that could light the sky with its brilliance.

  “I’d like that. Why don’t you come over for dinner next Friday? Here, give me your phone.”

  Cicely quickly entered her number.

  “There. If you want to have dinner, call me. Okay?”

  “I will.”

  She grabbed Preston and they headed back to the bikes. They rode back to the park and stowed the bikes in the garage. Drew saw that her bandana was still in place and hoped that meant their pilfering had gone unnoticed.

  “Come on, I’m beat. Let’s go,” Preston said.

  “Right behind you,” she said.

  They slid into the car seats, worn out from the day. Drew punched Pres in the arm.

  “Ow. What was that for?”

  “Why did you stop me from saying we were park rangers? What’s the deal with that?”

  “I don’t know. I mean, they were hot. I felt some real chemistry with Kallie, and I didn’t want her to think we were glorified Boy Scouts.”

  “Seriously? Come on, dude. You know our jobs aren’t only important, they’re hard. Not everyone can handle the crap we do. Besides, it’s better to be up front.”

  “You think? Maybe for a chick like you, but trust me, a woman like Kallie isn’t going to give a park ranger the time of day.”

  “You’re wrong there. She was totally into you. You going to see her again?”

  “Maybe. I hope so.”

  “Did you exchange numbers?”

  “I gave her mine. Left it in her hands, you know?”

  “Yeah, that’s cool.”

  “What about you and Cicely? You guys seemed to connect.”

  “Yeah, we did. She’s so…” Drew found herself drifting in the sensation of what Cicely was. She felt those lips on hers again, the laugh that was deep and sexy and ran down her spine like silk. Her beautiful face, piercing brown eyes, and the deep cut of her cheekbones. She was lost in the memory when she was pulled back to the moment by Pres’s nudge.

  “Drew, snap out of it. I get it, you like the woman. Did you get her number?”

  “I sure did, my man. That, and an invitation to dinner.”

  “You dog. Man, you slayed me. I hope Kallie calls.”

  “Aw, buddy, she’ll call. Who could resist your charm?”

  “Whatever.” He shook his head doubtfully.

  In no time, he was dropping her off at her house.

  “See ya in the morning.”

  “Night.”

  Drew kicked the door closed behind her and went straight to the kitchen. Damn, I’m sore. I’m not as young as I used to be. She filled a glass with water and drank it down with a couple of ibuprofen. That should help with the muscle aches, and she’d be grateful for that in the morning. She dropped onto her couch and thought about her evening. It was unlike her to react to someone the way she had with Cicely. She didn’t do instant attraction; in fact, she avoided attraction. Why had this been different? What was it about her that made it so easy?

  It had to be something unexplainable. Nothing else made sense. The more she thought about it the more discomfited she became. She dissected the night, taking the bits and pieces that didn’t fit with her normal self and tried to pinpoint what had been different.

  Let it go. Don’t overanalyze it. Just enjoy it. Don’t make it into something bigger than it was…

  But when she climbed into bed, Cicely’s kiss was all she could think of. The sense of wholeness she felt in that moment. The sweeping loss of balance as it ended. That was real. That was solid. Whatever it was, she wanted more of it. She lost herself as the memory of sensation flooded through her. With that in her mind, there would be no room for nightmares tonight. She closed her eyes and lost herself in the memory of velvet.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Cicely was exhausted. She loved dancing, and Drew had been a treat, but she couldn’t wait to curl up in her bed. Kallie was going to crash on her couch. They had cabbed it back to her apartment, since neither of them was okay to drive. They pulled out the couch and loaded it up with pillows and such for a comfy night’s sleep.

  “So, that was different,” Kallie said.

  “How so?” Cicely said.

  “Well, for one thing, you don’t usually stick with one person all night.”

  “Okay, that’s somewhat true. Not completely true, since I always stick with you all night, so there’s that.”

  “That doesn’t count and you know it. I’m talking about you and Drew.”

  “I like her. What can I say?” Cicely said.

  “And I’m pointing it out. You were relaxed and comfortable, even though you’d just met. You usually have to do a background check on someone before giving them that much of your time.” Kallie poured another glass of pinot.

  She had no idea how right she was. Cicely did run background checks on prospective dates. Ever since Jacki, she hadn’t been able to stop herself. She needed to know that the people she let into her life weren’t going to lie and steal from her.

  Damn you, Mom and Dad. You made me this way. You took away my trust, and Jacki made it even worse. I can’t let people matter to me if they’re going to hurt me. I can’t take that kind of pain again.

  “You want?” Kallie asked, lifting the bottle.

  “No, I’m good.
It was different, I guess. It felt…I don’t know, right?” She didn’t do fantasy or magic. Cicely Jones was rooted in reality and truth. Kallie told her she needed to work on her trust issues, but it wasn’t easy. She had her reasons for not taking people at face value. She’d trusted Jacki. That had felt right, too. Look what happened. She’d let Jacki in, started building toward a future together, and then what? One day she’d come home to an empty apartment and a cleaned out bank account. Trust was overrated. She wouldn’t be a victim of that again.

  When she and Kallie had bumped into Drew and Preston, something had clicked. It was that simple. Besides, it was a night of dancing, not a marriage proposal. She knew how to build walls and keep things superficial. She could date Drew and not have it mean anything. Just because they felt right didn’t mean she had to open everything up to her.

  “What are you going to do if she ends up being less than you hope? When, and I’m sure it will happen, she proves to be more human than ethereal being? How are you going to handle the disappointment?”

  “Damn, Kallie. Can’t you give me a night to enjoy the fantasy?”

  “No. If you were prone to fantasy, and could handle reality when it bites, sure. But no. I know you, Cicely. I’m not going to stand by and watch you implode. As your friend, it’s my job to ask the tough questions.”

  Cicely looked at her. Kallie wasn’t just a friend; she was a practicing psychiatrist who moonlighted as Cicely’s best friend. She couldn’t help pointing out when things didn’t jibe, and Cicely loved her more for it.

  “Of course you’re right. I’m sure when I wake up in the morning I’m going to be panicking about tonight. But what’s done is done. She has my number. If she calls, I’ll have to reevaluate, but for now, I’m going to go to bed. It doesn’t have to mean anything, or go anywhere.”

  “Okay, honey. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  Cicely headed to her room. She’s absolutely right. I acted completely out of character. What was I thinking? She could be the world’s most superficial woman, and I’ve given her my number. Ugh.

  She dropped her clothes into the hamper and washed her face. She caught her reflection in the mirror. Why? Do you want to be shredded again? Is it worth it, just because there’s something about her?

  So much for sleep. Cicely knew herself well enough to know she wouldn’t manage any tonight. She pulled on her oversized T-shirt and sat on her bed. She grabbed her tablet off the table beside her. Might as well find out what she could since she wouldn’t sleep.

  She ignored the twinge of conscience as she pulled up the Zobot search engine and entered Drew’s name. There wasn’t much there. Two addresses, three relatives. She moved on to Pepl. Here there was more. She found links to Drew’s Facebook and Twitter accounts. Her place of employment was there.

  Cicely’s gut twisted as she held her finger above the touch pad. Should I really do this? Why can’t I trust my instincts? Everyone else does. How did I come to the place where I want to run a background check on anyone I let in? It had become second nature, and she hadn’t felt qualms about it in years, but tonight, it felt wrong. It was like she was the one betraying Drew by finding out all she could about her. But she had a compulsive need to know the people around her weren’t scammers or liars, even if they were only on the periphery of her life.

  People who had something to hide didn’t usually seem as open as Drew had, though. Unless they were very skilled at lying. What if that was Drew’s game? What if she was a scammer?

  Stop it. She didn’t come on to me. I was the aggressor here. I broke into her space and announced my presence. I didn’t give her any opportunity to charm me or con me.

  The hell with it. She needed to know. She tapped the submit key and the search began in earnest. She watched the flow of files on her screen. Would she be someone Cicely could get to know? Time would tell. She felt bad, dirty even. That hadn’t happened before. Typically, she’d run a check without even thinking about it. It was safe. She was protecting herself, right? She thought about why this time was different.

  Going to a festival or out to a club and flirting wasn’t anything new. She was all over that. But like Kallie said, she usually didn’t narrow her focus down to one person. She usually lit a spark with three or more girls, dancing with them alternately, and making sure they all knew they were interesting to her.

  It wasn’t like she was playing games with them, either. She was totally upfront about her divided attention. Often, they knew each other, and she and Kallie would join their group for the night. She might give one more attention than another, but she didn’t leave with any of them, ever, and she didn’t give her number up. If she felt an attraction deeper than casual, she might get their number. It was off-putting to a lot of women, but she never gave a piece of herself away. On the rare occasion she wanted one-on-one time, she didn’t go there without thorough research. If, and only if, they checked out to be who they claimed to be, Cicely was cautious, and inevitably found some kind of fatal flaw in the person. Hence the fact that she was perpetually single.

  She was lucky she had Kallie. Not many straight girls would stick it out with such a messed up lesbian friend. They’d met when a former patient of Kallie’s had been incarcerated and ended up a client of Cicely’s. It’s been four years. How has time escaped me that way?

  They had become really good friends as they’d helped him through the system and made sure his mental health needs weren’t neglected. Her instincts had been on the mark. She’d trusted Kallie from the beginning, and she hadn’t been disappointed. She’d thought maybe she could trust her instincts after all.

  But then there was Jacki. That had been brutal. And Kallie had been there with her the whole time. She’d even sensed that Jacki wasn’t being honest before Cicely had. She’d felt so right, but she was a con artist.

  Kallie had alerted her to her misgivings, but Cicely had been blind to it. She wanted to believe Jacki was who she said she was. She’d ignored Kallie and gone with her own feelings. It had ripped the rug out from under her, completely. Kallie was there to pick up the pieces, thank God. She was the backup system that kept Cicely from giving away too much of herself too soon. But Kallie also worried about Cicely’s inability to trust. How often had they talked it out? At times it seemed to be the only conversation they had.

  And she had worked on it. She tried every day to be open to love. But she simply couldn’t let go of the distrust yet.

  She wanted her instincts to be right this time, but this was about her need to feel secure and in control. If Drew ever found out about it, it would have to be okay. That was how she had to be. If she couldn’t accept that about Cicely, then they weren’t meant to be.

  The program signaled completion and she tapped the file icon to find out who Drew Chambliss was. She was a park ranger with the city. That’s kinda cool. She’d probably enjoy outdoor sports. I love to camp and hike, so that’s good. Her parents were teachers, and she had two siblings. Cool. Family was good. She’d ask her about them when they got together next time. Huh? Where’d that come from? She had no idea if Drew would even call her. She was renting a two-bedroom house in Rosewood. Nice. Cicely had always liked the idea of living in a house. One day, maybe. If she could find the right place to buy. If she was going to rent, she wanted a maintenance department to handle issues.

  The more she read about Drew, the more convinced she was that her instincts had been right. Drew seemed to be a pretty normal person. Cicely was cautiously optimistic that something could develop between them. She put the tablet back on the table and settled into her comforter. Now she could release herself to sleep.

  As she drifted off, the last thought in her head was of the kiss she had shared with Drew. How right and good it had felt to trust her in that moment. Don’t let me down. Please.

  CHAPTER THREE

  The sound of her breathing was all she knew. Rough wood ground into her arms and legs. The weight of the darkness surrounding her pressed in
. “I can’t breathe. I need out.”

  She wrenched her arm upward, tearing the skin of her knuckles on an unyielding barrier. Pain shot through her hand like fire. “Help, someone let me out.”

  No one came. She fought for shallow breaths, knowing there wouldn’t be many more. Cold like a killing frost seeped in around her. She screamed for someone, anyone, and then there was a pinprick of light. It cut through the darkness with blinding strength, increasing and ripping the black away.

  She couldn’t see him, but she knew he was there, standing above her. The sour smell of his sweat fell like a cloud around her.

  “Did you learn your lesson? I’ll close you right back in if you can’t behave, hear?”

  “Please, let me out. I’ll be good. Please.”

  “Come on out then. But remember, this hole is for you.”

  Drew woke covered in sweat, throat dry from screaming. She kicked off the tangle of covers and sat up. With no idea who her attacker was, there was no way to really deal with the nightmares. Coffee. She needed coffee and a shower to clear the cotton from her head. She stumbled into her kitchen, avoiding the desperate attempts of her cat, Kashka, to trip her.

  She thumbed on her coffee maker and splashed some water from the sink over her face. The dreams were more intense these days. She wished she could remember details, but they were all lost when she awoke. Her adoptive parents had taken her to a long line of psychiatrists and psychologists to try to help her. They had done everything from behavior modification to diet regimens with little effect. Nothing worked. Believing the trauma that caused her dissociative amnesia also caused the night terrors, her psychologist suggested regression therapy via hypnosis. Her parents refused. They thought the risk to her overall mental health would be too great. When she was ready, her mind would unlock and she’d remember on her own. They figured her amnesia was her protection, and if the memories were so awful, it might be best that she didn’t retrieve them.